10/7/2017 1 Comment The Pursuit of One's IdentityThings can get so messed up in your life that gets you to the point that you don’t even recognize yourself when you see a reflection on those cupboard mirrors that you used to look at. You get to the point in your life that you get so consumed by an idea, an emotion, a happening–a person that you lose yourself in the process. There’s this ancient Hindu concept of being reincarnated after death until you finish all that there is that you have to finish and eventually “graduate” and melt away with The Great Void. My life on the other hand is quite opposite, especially for the fact that I did not die, I did not reincarnate but rather I survived every day of this life-long saga of having to deal with these unfinished business of my past lives (if ever I had one, which would totally explain all these commotions in my life right now), as if it was a never-ending cycle, never getting to that “graduation” but somehow melted into somebody else’s life and not with The Great Void. To those of you who don’t know who’s writing this blogpost with an awful knack for writing, I’m Bryan. I am currently writing this in my friend’s apartment way up north of Metro Manila on a Sunday evening with The Killers’ “The Way It Was” playing in random (shout out to all The Killers’ fans). Why am I introducing myself within my blogpost that has less than 30 posts overall throughout the span of three years? I don’t even know why. I don’t even know why I started to try to write again. I mean, I’m an artist, a marketer, a cook, I was a dancer, maybe a singer (barely, lol), a Star Wars fan but never have I ever had the chance to be called as a writer. I keep trying though, but there are just things that you can never master yourself, you need a teacher. It’s been months since the last time I posted something in this amateur website that doesn’t even have its own domain (I’ll try to fix that very, very soon). From birth, up to that age where we gain a little bit of self-awareness, our parents always asked these three questions and has been asking us the same questions throughout the course of our lives – “What is your name?”, “Where do you live?” and “Who do you want to be?”. Well, I can’t really say that these exact questions have been asked to everybody in exact same time in our lives. But somehow, you know that these are questions meant to tell you where you are in your life, like some sort of diagnostic exam you constantly take to know how far you need to catch up, and how advanced you are. And for that, let me narrow down my thoughts and insights upon how these three questions governed by life into three blog posts. What is your name?“Chuckie!” That was the weirdest nickname that you could ever give to a kid that was born on 1994, when “Chuckie” was all scary and deadly and really inappropriate. But life made its first joke on me – it happened to be my nickname. Thanks to my mom’s eldest sister (that has been glowingly beautiful even over fifty), I usually get teased about my nickname during pre-K because of that movie with that dark doll with a knife and a face worse that ASOIAF’s description of a Wight, and just when everything got really annoying (I’m serious, I got my resting bitch face way back during pre-K), this chocolate drink became famous to every 90’s kid even until now. And the name of the drink? You got it – Chuckie, and with my brown complexion, boy it was so easy for me to be the reference. Good thing my folks and the Man up there blessed me with dimples so deep you can plant cacao trees and make your own choco drink (probably the only thing that I like about myself, lol.). Our names, nicknames, endearments are essential to remind us about who we are to the people around us. You can call me by my other names but the same thing pops in your head about who I am in your life. I’m Chuckie (please call me Bryan, haha!) who is your son, your brother, your friend, your officemate, your ex-boyfriend and many more. Your name gives you your space in this random world, no matter how chaotic it is, even if you were no mere of a cell, or just an idea years ago you were born, or you’re a memory some years after you face death – you exist right now. And, sometimes, that is enough for you to realize that everything that has happened, whether bad or good had its purpose – to bring you towards who you are now and go beyond. And my name, gives me this sense of presence. That I am here. Live. Location: at Binondo, Manila Photos by Bryan Casio & Abbie Ruiz
1 Comment
Dorothy Pabilona
10/18/2017 05:19:40 am
Hi, i've enjoyed reading your stuff. Profound. Thanks much. Keep it up. Stay safe... Love, light & blessings...
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